"JUST A SIMPLE ROSE," we said. Or a simple flower. None the less, I am still torn apart. I have seen you, finally, and our lips have finally met. But promises, they are fucking killing me. We're not going to be together, and I need to stop. Dwelling over you is driving me into depression, and two years is too fucking much. I tried, trust me, I've tried, but somehow I can't see others. I don't know why. But I do know it's not because of what we have been through. Something's wrong with me, and it has been here for such a long time. Something is wrong with me and I don't know how to fucking explain it. I'm focused so much on getting my school work together, having multiple jobs, and studying in Germany, all so I can be too busy and not think about what is wrong with me. Because I'm depressed as hell, and I AM NOT OKAY. I'm not okay and I've practiced so many times on how to say it so I can tell someone. But everyone is so busy with their own problems, no one wants to hear my stuff. Because I won't even know how to say it. All I ask is for a rose, a metaphorical rose. Something that will bloom, something that will die, and still be beautiful. Just a simple rose, for becoming Simply Beautiful. You are so busy plotting your revenge, or talking yourself out of it, you mindlessly talk and talk and talk within your mind that you need to STOP Jonathan. You are tearing yourself apart. You asked for a simple rose, a single love and a single life. We're both depressed as hell, both torn the fuck apart that I swear to you I want to fly away and into the fucking galaxy and TRIP OUT. Maybe THEN I can come back and continue my lovingly amazing life and help as much people as I can. Maybe then I can explain what it was that I felt once. Maybe then I wont be purposely making myself busy so I won't have time to think of how this lonely freaking rose cannot bloom from starvation and damn agony. I hate it when you say freedom is in death, because even though I don't know death and don't want it now, THIS LIFE is all the damn freedom you need, just DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I myself need to do something. And trust me, I will come back to this blog and be depressed as hell, but I promise you I am trying, I am trying to get my emotional life together and please please please don't give up on me, I am trying, I won't back down I will never give up, but everything...everything IS NOT OKAY. But it's okay, I promise, just...just give me one single pretty rose, I am a rose.
On Your Rememories- Comeback
